In the powerful new book FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, Dr. Ingrid Clayton, clinical psychologist and expert in complex trauma recovery,  introduces "fawning", an often-overlooked piece of the fight-flight-freeze reaction to trauma.  Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work—as well as a lifetime of experience as a recovering fawner herself, Dr. Clayton explains  what fawning is: why it happens, how to recognize the signs (taking blame, conflict avoidance, hypervigilance, caretaking at the expense of ourselves), and what we can be done to heal ourselves and help survivors "unfawn".

"Fawning" explains why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems so obvious to others that we should leave.  And though fawning serves a purpose—it’s an ingenious protective strategy in unsafe situations—its a problem if it becomes a repetitive, compulsory reaction in our daily lives. But here’s the good news: we can break the pattern of chronic fawning, once we see it for the trauma response it is. 

Most of us are familiar with the three F’s of trauma—fight, flight, or freeze. But psychologists have identified a fourth, extremely common (yet little-understood) response: fawning. Often conflated with “codependency” or “people-pleasing,” fawning occurs when we inexplicably draw closer to a person or relationship that causes pain, rather than pulling away.

· Do you apologize to people who have hurt you?

· Ignore their bad behavior?

· Befriend your bullies?

· Obsess about saying the right thing?

· Make yourself into someone you’re not . . . while seeking approval that may never come?

Bio:

Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master's in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She’s had a thriving private practice since 2009 and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today where her blog, “Emotional Sobriety,” has received more than 1 million views.Her best-selling memoir, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma blends deeply personal storytelling with Ingrid’s knowledge as a trauma therapist.